Together Dating - Melissa & Mike
Update: Married!
”There is no way that Mike and I would have met without Together, because we lived 40 miles away from each other. We’re totally different. Our backgrounds are different. Our paths would never have crossed.”
Melissa, how was your dating life before you joined Together Dating?
We’ve been together for a little over a year, and I was single for about two and a half years before I met him. I have to tell you that this is the first time that I’m going to be married, at 53. I was engaged previously, and my fiancé passed away suddenly. I had never online dated. How I had met people in my life was blind dates through friends. And I had a lot of really bad blind dates.
Were you initially skeptical of matchmakers & dating sites?
I never thought that I would try this. Every time I tell someone about how we met, that it was through a dating service, everyone I talk to has some story about meeting someone this way, via a matchmaking service or an online site. But online dating was not for me because I never really trusted it as a safe way to meet people.
What inspired you to try Together Dating?
I heard about someone who had joined Together and had met her husband. A friend of a friend, I never actually met this person but I heard about her, and that’s why I tried it.
How did you like working with them?
I loved the person who I worked with, Jill. She’s extremely intellectual. She inspired me to think in ways that I had not thought before. There was one thing that she pointed out to me. She was very gentle about it, but perhaps thought that I was going in the wrong direction - she was amazing. There is no way that Mike and I would have met without her, because we lived 40 miles away from each other. We’re totally different. Our backgrounds are different. Our paths would never have crossed.
How does the process work?
You go to their office and fill out all of these forms, and they are very enthusiastic. You leave feeling extremely excited that this is going to work immediately. And it took a little bit of time. Actually, for me, it took joining at a VIP level, where I actually had a person working for me, like a personal shopper. Jill was like an old fashioned matchmaker, and she’s the one who found Mike. She had set me up with a few others, but it didn’t work out. I was ready to give up. I remember thinking to myself, ‘This isn’t for me. I’m not the type. I’m too picky. I’m not in a good place in my life. I’m not ready. I hate dating.’ I was going through this whole grieving process over losing someone that I loved deeply, and I just told my matchmaker to let me get old with my dogs, to become a stereotype. I renovated a condo, put way too much money into it, I figured that this is where I’d live for the rest of my life. And she contacted me and said ‘There’s this one guy… how would you like somebody who is a gentleman?” And I said okay. I had only met two men through the service. Mike had a different experience than I did. He had gone out with more women who were not his type.
What’s really interesting to me is that, to this day, my matchmaker and I have never met. We’re actually talking about it now that this engagement has happened. She was totally responsible… I mean, she really did this; she put two people together who are going to spend the rest of their lives together. And so we have to meet her. I called her to tell her about this last week and she started screaming, which is so funny because she’s one of the calmest people I've ever met in my life and I would have never expected it. She was very excited.
Their matching system is done by computer, in terms of the many questions that they ask, and apparently Mike and I came up by a point, which is very strange, because we don’t have a lot in common. We’re different politically, religiously, he’s athletic, I’m artistic, but I have to say, just knowing that he’s around, I feel like I’m home. I’ll tell you what has happened. My condo, which is only 30 miles from here, I’m there only one night a month and I don’t like going there anymore. I don’t like being away from him. It’s really strange how that’s happened. Yes, sure, I like my time alone during the day and I don’t need to be tethered to him, but there is something about seeing that face when he comes through the door that just makes me happy.
Who made the initial contact? I hear that these blind dates are really blind.
That’s right! Absolutely no photos! The no photo thing was so frustrating to me, whenever I had been fixed up with someone in the past I always wanted to know what he looked like. I don’t remember exactly who called whom, but my gut tells me that I made the call. I felt uncomfortable having to make that first move, but Jill talked me into it. She possesses the rare art of leading you to make a decision so subtly that you think it was your own idea.
Describe your first date. How did it go?
It was really funny actually because he had described his car and I described mine. We met for lunch at a nice restaurant that he had chosen. I remember thinking “Lets just get this over with because obviously I just want to get it done because it’s not going to work.” He walked up to me and he said the wrong name, <laughing> and I walked into the restaurant, and he got back into his car, and he realized that he had totally blundered and that of course I was the person he is meeting, and I am realizing the same thing, and I can’t believe this is happening. Obviously he is the guy. What do we do? So the two of us kind of realized what had happened, we laughed about it and had lunch. I had no recollection of what we talked about, but apparently we did a lot of talking. I think the first thing that we had in common was that he had lost a woman that he’d been with for fourteen years a year before, and that was a commonality at the beginning. We bonded over loss.
What was your first impression of Mike?
I thought he had beautiful blue eyes. I thought he was really nice. I thought he might be too nice. He doesn’t know that, but it’s okay <laughing> I know the date was good enough to agree to a second date before the first one was over.
Can you describe when you fell in love?
Defining moment – It was because of the Golden Globe Awards! He asked me out and I said, “Oh, I can’t do it because the Golden Globe Awards are on and I never miss the Golden Globe Awards!” and he said “Would you mind if I came over and watched them with you?” and that was how he got me. He had me at the Golden Globe Awards, and that was our third date.
What do your friends think about how you two met?
Actually, they think it’s great. When we first started sharing with people, Michael said ‘blind date.’
How would you describe your life together now?
It’s totally a compromise. Because we are so different, we both have definitely met in the middle in terms of lifestyle. I watch a lot of sports now, and he goes to a lot of movies. He also adopted two dogs of mine. He has two kids, I have two dogs, and so it’s a big family. A lot of our life is doing what the other one wants to do.
You two were recently engaged. Tell me about the proposal.
It was his birthday and we had been out to dinner with friends, and we came home, and while upstairs, his daughter said to me “I have one more present for Dad, could you take it downstairs?” but she stayed upstairs so I knew what was going on at that point, and that she was totally in on it. I have to admit, when I saw the bag, I thought it was a little frilly to be a present for him. So it did occur to me that this might be about to happen. So… I brought the bag down, and I said “Here’s your last present from KJ.” And he said “Well, actually, you have given me so many birthday presents, I have a present for you.” So I asked, “Is this what I think it is?” And he said, “Just open it!” And I opened it, and it was a ring, and I looked at him, and he said, “Will you marry me?” That’s when I burst into tears. And he said, “Aren’t you going to answer me?” So that’s how it happened.
Do you have any advice for others searching for love via the Together Dating service?
Yes. I think the thing that Jill at Together taught me the most was to look a little bit away from my priorities, and rethink what I thought I wanted. For me, it was all about power. I wanted a powerful man. That was my first priority. And I think using the word power wasn't the right way to describe it. I had it all wrong. I guess the way I looked at it, I had always responded to men of power, who took control of situations. But apparently using that particular word conjures up a lot of the wrong attributes. And Jill was able to figure out what I was saying. She really moved me away from it. Mike has tremendous confidence. But what makes him special is that he doesn't shy away from taking control of a situation, he just does it in a quiet, low-key manner.
